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So…the bottom line on texting and dating is this: use texting sparingly, wisely and, most of all, don’t read too much into it.

Remember, real life and real love happen in person, smile to smile, touch to touch.

Over the past few years it seems that almost every dating dilemma I hear from my coaching clients and girlfriends has something to do with texting. He told her how busy he was and she felt flattered that he was keeping in touch.

Texting and dating definitely isn’t just for 20 year olds anymore. “Melissa” stayed up until 3 AM texting with her dude. She wants to know how to stop obsessing over him being The One.

When both people are up front about their expectations, there’s much less room for misunderstanding. Ashlee says she doesn’t want to talk about sex in the early stages of dating, and asking for her Snapchat “automatically makes me think you want to send or receive nudes.” Making general demands for pictures reads the same way and comes across as bossy.

“I don’t take commands,” Daniela says, so texting, “Send me a pic,” or “Come over,” is a surefire way to end a conversation.

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And if he is serious about meeting a woman for a real relationship, he will step up.

I’ve seen countless women create complete fantasies and get drawn in — often before they even meet a man. With no tonality in messages, texting back and forth creates enormous opportunities to misread and misunderstand intent.

I can’t tell you how many emails I’ve received from coaching clients with a text conversation pasted in and the question: What do you think he means (aka WTF)????

Or a “looking forward to slurping spaghetti with you Friday.” Let him know you’re thinking of him and appreciate him. If he sees your picture and profile and wants to meet you, the hunter in him wants to get directly to the result: meeting you. They feel that chatting first just gets in the way and would rather skip the phone and/or email.

But I’ll say it again, doing a bunch of texting first creates an unrealistic sense of connection.

He sent me another message with even fewer words and more emojis. Some people may be sticklers about grammar and spelling, but most will settle for just knowing what you mean.

“I like someone who can communicate well and effectively in most situations, but I’m not expecting APA [style] in a text,” my friend Daniela says.

You only have to go on a couple of Tinder dates before you discover that people have wildly different ideas about how to appropriately communicate.

There was the man who began carrying on a full conversation with himself in our text thread when I didn’t answer quickly enough, for example. when he was high, and then, when I stopped responding, started in with the phone calls.

“Candid as opposed to formal [is the way to go].”So what kinds of things should you be texting?

You can gauge that by how well you know the person you’re messaging with.