My mother is very adamant and not discreet in her disappointment that I have not yet found a nice Vietnamese man to date.
In my head, our races created a power dynamic and the pendulum swung more in favor towards my partner.
But I’ve come to learn that I cannot build up my confidence based on other boys’ perception of my looks or my race.
As an Asian man, standing right next to him, dudes would just completely disregard me.
I thought that my chances of finding another guy were much lower, so I convinced myself that I needed this relationship more than my partner.
It’s always an internal battle of whether or not I tell her, as I will never change, but knowing she will never openly ask about my partner has been very difficult.
Even before I came out to her, I had a black boyfriend. It’s interesting to see the amount of inherent racism that is evident in Asian cultures.
I’ve gone on dates with women who seemed great on dating apps, only to have them tell me, “I love ethnic girls.” Dating interracially, there have been times when the woman I am dating shows no interest whatsoever in my cultural background, just that I’m a “hot Asian.” It’s very rare for someone I’m dating to show any interest in the cultural customs I grew up with or my race.
I’ve been on them all, and Tinder seems to have the most diverse pool of users in terms of ethnicity. Coffee Meets Bagel has the most male Asian users from what I’ve seen, but the conversations I’ve had on there haven’t been great. It was gross: fetishes for Asian women I’ve used Bumble, Ok Cupid and Coffee Meets Bagel.
For starters, online dating app users don’t necessarily favor Asians: One Ok Cupid study from 2014 found that Asian men have a harder time with online dating than people of any other race.
In a speed-dating study conducted at Columbia University in 2006, Asian men also had the most difficulty getting a second date.